THE FATHER'S HEART
Grief, Compassion & Generosity
SCRIPTURE READING: Luke 15:11-32 [1]
The Parable of the Prodigal Son
11 To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: "A man had two sons. 12 The younger son told his father, `I want my share of your estate now, instead of waiting until you die.' So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons. 13 "A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and took a trip to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money on wild living. 14 About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. 15 He persuaded a local farmer to hire him to feed his pigs. 16 The boy became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.
17 "When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, `At home even the hired men have food enough to spare, and here I am, dying of hunger! 18 I will go home to my father and say, "Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, 19 and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired man." '
20 "So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long distance away, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. 21 His son said to him, `Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.[a]'
22 "But his father said to the servants, `Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger, and sandals for his feet. 23 And kill the calf we have been fattening in the pen. We must celebrate with a feast, 24 for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.' So the party began.
25 "Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, 26 and he asked one of the servants what was going on. 27 `Your brother is back,' he was told, `and your father has killed the calf we were fattening and has prepared a great feast. We are celebrating because of his safe return.'
28 "The older brother was angry and wouldn't go in. His father came out and begged him, 29 but he replied, `All these years I've worked hard for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. 30 Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the finest calf we have.'
31 "His father said to him, `Look, dear son, you and I are very close, and everything I have is yours. 32 We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!' "
MESSAGE:
The Father’s Heart Grief, Compassion and Generosity
In the opening sentences of his Letter to the Ephesians, the apostle Paul writes:
Long ago, even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave him great pleasure. [2]
This passage reveals what was on God’s heart before the creation – before the Garden of Eden – before humanity’s fall into sin – before He sent Christ to the earth to redeem humanity from sin. God’s eternal plan is much greater than saving us from sin. Christ’s death and resurrection redeems our “falling short of the glory of God” [3] – it rectifies our “missing the mark” of “God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus” [4] – it puts us back “in sync” with God’s original plan, and that is: to Father a family. This passage captures the meta-story of the Bible: God’s Fatherhood and our adoption as sons through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ. I have often said that the essence of Christianity is probably most accurately understood in terms of the Father-son relationship. My personal experience with God could probably best be described in these terms:
- learning to know God as a Father
- learning how to be His son, through the example of His Pattern Son, Jesus;
- and learning to become like the Father.
Concerning this last aspect, My wife, Frances and I have found great opportunity for learning to become like the Father in the arena of child-rearing. While we have no biological children together, Frances and I have parented two sets of children: The first set consists of my son from a previous marriage, and a daughter Frances adopted as a single parent before marrying. Both of these children are now grown and “out on their own”. Much could be said about the ongoing experiences of the continuing parenting of adult children. The second set consists of two more adopted children – a son who has also just recently begun his own household; and a teenage daughter who is still at home with us. Over the course of 30 years, when asking God what I should do in a particular situation with one of my children, most often I would hear from the Spirit of God: “What would I do with you?” I guess it’s the same as the “What would Jesus do?” model. In any case, our testimony is: When you yourself are a child of God, you have an opportunity to learn very profound things about becoming like the heavenly Father through parenting your children. Also, during 25 years of ministry, God has also given us a number of people in different parts of the world who think of themselves our spiritual children. In a different way, we are quite proud of these children also. And so, for almost 40 years, in mostly overwhelming circumstances, and through many failures, the Lord has incrementally developed our understanding of parenting - both natural and spiritual.
In the opening chapter of the Book of Genesis we read: “So God created man in his own likeness. He created him in the likeness of God. He created them as male and female. God blessed them. He said to them, ‘Have children and increase your numbers.’” [5]
From this original mandate we can infer that God’s intention is that in both our natural and spiritual lives we are to have children – both natural and spiritual – and to do this in the likeness of God: i.e. to father in the likeness of God the Father, reflecting the image of God to our children.
While there are many aspects of fatherhood that could be discussed, for about 20 years now, there has been an all-pervasive theme in my inner life - the effect of which has often been overwhelming. The Holy Spirit has been working in my heart and life three particular aspects of fatherhood:
- Grief
- Compassion
- Generosity
For me personally, these seem to be, not only the wellsprings of all the issues of the life of fatherhood, but also the very essence of the heart of God the Father.
I believe the Parable of the Prodigal Son highlights these three aspects of the heart of God the Father:
- Grief
- Compassion
- Generosity
I found a confirmation of this in reading Henri Nouwen’s book, The Return of the Prodigal Son, which is inspired by this parable along with his reflections on Rembrandt’s painting of the same title. In the book, Nouwen writes: “Looking at Rembrandt’s painting of the father, I can see three ways to a truly compassionate fatherhood… three ways by which the image of the Father can grow in me: grief, forgiveness, and generosity.” [6]
One of the main impressions I was left with after reading this book, is the thought-provoking perspective that, as Christians:
- We all have been like the younger son.
- We all are struggling with being like the elder son.
- We are all called to become like the Father. [7]
And it is this concept of “becoming like the Father” that I would like to focus on in this parable – i.e. becoming like the Father in –
- Grief
- Compassion
- Generosity
The Parable is about a father and a son, but what we glean from the story can also be applied to mothers and daughters, and parenting children in general.
Grief & Compassion
We are going to look at the first two aspects together, for grief and compassion are like “the two sides of the same coin”. As we look at the father in the parable, I believe we see the essence of the heart of God the Father:
- He perpetually waits for and looks for sinners because He wants them to be restored in relationship with Himself.
- He is grieved when He sees the results of sin in the life of a sinner; and His heart is one of compassion towards the sinner.
Let’s give some thought to what the father said about his son:
“… ‘ This son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.'” [8]
Can we can identify with his heart and mind regarding his son? He said that his son was dead. He was, of course, alive biologically. But the Bible speaks of our being “dead in sin”. [9] Suffice to say that this is the scriptural way of describing being in the state if sin – i.e. cut off from the Life Source – our heavenly Father.
The father also said that his son “was lost, but now is found”. The two parables preceding this one were also about some thing being lost and then found.
But what does that mean in the father’s heart and mind regarding his son? The reality of this hits close to home, when the losing goes beyond the loss of some material possession. W e naturally identify with the heart of God the Father when we experience the loss of a loved one: And not only losing a loved one to physical death, but also losing that loved one over to the pain and death of soul which is the result of their lifestyle of sin.
This is the reality – and it is a harsh reality – that is at the heart of the Father’s grief:
Firstly is the fact that we are all born into that state of sin and death. And then taking advantage of the human condition, there is a spiritual Adversary who is after the hearts, souls and lives of humanity, specifically our children. Jesus described him like this:
“…the devil …was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” [10]
Jesus not only called him a murderer and a liar, He also referred to him as a thief, saying: “The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.” [11] And so the father’s grief is seeing his child be ripped off of that “life in all its fullness” that Jesus came to give.
Now all of this seems to presuppose that the child is a sinner - and this is true – he is a sinner son. But in my case, it is equally true that the father is also a sinner. On this side of Eden, before we reach the other side to Heaven, because of sin, we live in a fallen world; and all human love - even the love between a husband and wife, the best of friends, a father and a son - will be flawed. This is the source of the grief I refer to – it is a result of sin. But this also the key to compassion: The Bible refers to the “iniquity of the fathers”. [12] I can say with absolute sincerity that I know my sin to be as great as or greater than any or all of the sins of my children. So I must have compassion on the sinner son, and everyone. Each one of us receives the results of our own sin, the results of “the iniquity of the fathers”, as well as the sins of others against us. Yes, there is plenty of reason for grief – but also for compassion. These two aspects are displayed in the love of God the Father. And He would have us display these two aspects towards sinners and sons.
In the Parable, it says of the father:
"…. And while (his son) was still a long distance away, his father saw him coming.” [13]
The father looked and waited - a long time - in silence and loneliness - in grief - for the return of his son.
As in Harry Chapin’s song, Cats In The Cradle, much is made of fathers - especially early in their adult lives - who are too preoccupied with their work and life ambitions to develop meaningful relationships with their sons. While this is true, the reverse is also true: Because of our falleness, there is a certain self-centeredness displayed by many sons in relationship with their fathers – they also are too self-absorbed with “doing their own thing” to pursue meaningful relationships with their fathers, usually until quite later in life. In fact, we all tend to not really appreciate our parents for their parenting until after we ourselves have been at the parenting game for awhile. And too often there is precious little time left in the living years to enjoy a mature relationship with our parents.
This tendency is also plays out in our relationship with the Father God - there is often a preoccupation with the affairs of this life - “the tyranny of the urgent”- that crowds out time set aside for relationship with the Father.
So, there is a grief - a longsuffering - as the Father God looks and waits - in silence and loneliness - for the son to draw near. A very real aspect of becoming like the Father is to come to the place where one can give when it is not being reciprocated. One is able to give love and acceptance to your son, not needing to receive the same back - not because you have become “super-human” and no longer needs this - but because your need is sustained by the heavenly Father. This enables a father to look and wait - a long time - in silence and loneliness - in grief - for the return and drawing near of his son.
We read: “His father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him.” [14]
This compassion is a primary aspect of the glory of God the Father. There is a principle in Bible study called the “The Law of 1st Mention”. When researching a subject, one should begin at the 1st mention of it in the Bible. I believe the 1st mention in the Scriptures of some of the character traits of God the Father including this trait of compassion is in Exodus 33:18-19:
“Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory." And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.” [15]
What does it mean: “to have compassion”? The root meaning of the Hebrew word translated “compassion” [16] is “to handle”. In Rembrandt’s painting, The Return of the Prodigal Son, we see the father laying his hands on His son’s shoulders. This is an act of imparting strength and comfort. If we take a close look at the father’s hands we see that Rembrandt painted the left hand to look stronger and the right hand to look gentler. One aspect of showing compassion to your children is to be a supporting strength in their time of need. Another aspect of showing compassion to your children is to also be a gentle comfort when they are hurting.
Looking again at Rembrandt’s painting, we will also notice that the father’s gentle-looking hand parallels the bare wounded foot of the son, while his strong-looking hand parallels the son’s foot dressed in a sandal. In his book, Henri Nouwen quotes an observation of his friend, Richard White, who comments: “Is it too much to think that the one hand protects the vulnerable side of the son, while the other hand reinforces the son’s strength and desire to get on with his life?” [17]
What does it mean “to have compassion”? Our English word “compassion” is made up of two Latin roots: “com”, meaning “with”, and “pati”, meaning “to suffer”; i.e. “to suffer with”, “to feel pain with”, “to feel grief with” someone. “To have compassion” is a godly and beautiful thing; but, there is nothing pleasant about compassion. There is nothing pleasant about the situation in which we find the other person. There is nothing pleasant about what they are feeling; and there is nothing pleasant about feeling their grief with them.
But compassion is an aspect of love – to love as God the Father loves is to very often feel both grief and compassion.
Generosity
Lastly, let’s look at the generosity of the father towards the son in the parable:
17a "When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself… 18 I will go home to my father and say, "Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, 19 and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired man." ' 20 "So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long distance away, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. 21 His son said to him, `Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.' 22 "But his father said to the servants, `Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger, and sandals for his feet. 23 And kill the calf we have been fattening in the pen. We must celebrate with a feast, 24 for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.' So the party began. [18]
So we see God the Father’s generosity towards each one of us when we repent – i.e. when we “come to our senses” spiritually speaking, have a change of heart, a change of perspective, resulting in changing the way we think and live. In His generous love, God “throws a party” – all heaven rejoices [19] - and God blesses His children “with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we (now) belong to Christ” [20] And so, we should do likewise with our children.
We are nothing less than God’s representatives to our children. When they do business with us, they do business with God. In the parable, the prodigal son “came to his senses”, realized this, and said: "Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you…” [21] He realized that he needed to repent and return to both his father and God the Father.
The son also realized this: The blessing is in the father’s house. The prodigal son said: “I will go home to my father…” “That’s where the blessing is – not out in the world – not in this the pig pen!” Our children must realize that the blessing is in the father’s house. Our children must realize the truth of the apostle Paul’s instruction:
“Children, as Christians, obey your parents. This is the right thing to do. Respect your father and mother. This is the first Law given that had a promise. The promise is this: If you respect your father and mother, you will live a long time and your life will be full of many good things.” [22]
But the goal of fatherhood can not only be that our children will have a good relationship with us - that actually has very little value when measured against eternity.
Neither can the goal of fatherhood be only that our children will have a good life - that too has very little value when measured against eternity.
What all is contained in this realization: The blessing is in the father’s house? All that any parent really wants is for their child to be happy. But what will bring them happiness? Do you think they can really find true happiness without finding Christ?
The goal of fatherhood is to impart to our children that the blessing is in the father’s house.
Eventually our children must come to the place of doing business with God – receiving God as their heavenly Father – coming into His household for blessing. As a natural consequence, they will also have a good relationship with their earthly fathers – and a good life.
This is the principle we see in the parable: The father’s grief, compassion and generosity all served to draw the son to God the Father.
It’s natural to bless a son like the older brother who has been living right, working hard and being pleasing to the father. And it seems right to bless a son who has “come to his senses”, repented, and returned home to serve.
But we need to realize that God the Father’s generosity is not in repayment for good behavior, nor is it initiated by our repentance. God the Father continually extends His generous love to us even “while we are still sinners” [23] . In fact, like the father in this parable, God the Father blesses us, knowing that we may choose to spend those blessings on sin, as did the Prodigal Son. Let’s look again - Jesus begins the parable by saying:
"A man had two sons. The younger son told his father, `I want my share of your estate now, instead of waiting until you die.' So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.” [24]
What can we see regarding this "younger son"? He is "young"; and, he is "prodigal". This is how the parable has come to have the title. If we don’t know exactly what the word “prodigal” means, we are probably inclined to think that it means this son was “rebellious” or “lost”. We could say that this “prodigal son” was “rebellious” or “lost”; but “prodigal” actually doesn’t mean that. The definition of the adjective "prodigal" is "wasteful". [25] The "prodigal" son is a wasteful son – he wasted, dissipated, and squandered his father's generosity. The verb form of the Greek word used in Luke’s gospel is probably best translated literally as “to throw away”. [26]
Let's put this parable into a real-life context, and ask ourselves about this father-son relationship: What kind of son would ask for his inheritance to be given pre-maturely – that is, while the father is still alive? What is the state of this son's heart and mind? Basically he is saying to the father: "My main interest in you is your money; and to my way of thinking, I'd rather have it now, instead of having to wait until after you die." This is a son who has not yet learned to appreciate generosity. But what is the response of a godly father? He gave his son the money.
And what were the father's thoughts concerning the fate of the money he had so generously given? Can you imagine the father expecting this son to tithe on the money? Use it on higher education? Make some wise investments? No, he knew his son was going to just "throw it away". But he gave it anyway. Was this "poor stewardship" on his part?
I don’t think so. This “waste”, if you want to call it that, I believe is the very essence of godly generosity. Now, I am not saying that the Spirit of God would always lead us to do this. There is also a time for “tough love” and discipline. Our children do need to learn what Jesus taught about being faithful in small matters like money in order to be faithful in the larger matters concerning the things of God. [27] But I have experienced giving my hard-earned and very limited financial resources to my child, hoping that it would be a blessing which would endure and multiply, only to have it go unappreciated, wasted, and thrown away on foolishness. Believe me, I know what that feels like. And, I admit that after doing that over and over again, I have felt used and very stupid. I have struggled with whether it was the right thing to do, and whether I should do it yet again.
And when I ask God, I hear back: “Haven’t you acted in the same way as your son? Haven’t you treated Me the same way as your son is treating you? And what have I done with you?” In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus teaches that God the Father gives His blessings to both the evil and the good – to both the just and the unjust. [28] And the fact remains, this is exactly what the father did in the parable.
Yes, I believe this “waste” is the very essence of godly generosity: Being an aspect of God's unconditional love, godly generosity is also unconditional. Like the grace of God, it is freely given to the undeserving. And like all the good things of God, godly generosity has the potential to work repentance in the heart of the recipient.
This is how the apostle Paul explains it:
“…do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance?” [29]
Yes, God’s love and grace leads us to repentance. And we should do likewise with our children. We are representatives of God the Father to our children. The last thing in the world we want to communicate to them is that God’s blessings come only when you deserve them – that God’s love and grace is not freely given, you must earn it by religious works. This innate mind-set is a major barrier between people and the God of the Bible – between our children and the gospel of God’s grace through Jesus Christ. Instead, we need to demonstrate – even surprise them with grace – the same grace God the Father shows us.
So, these are the principles we see in the parable:
- The father’s grief, compassion and generosity all serve to draw the son to God the Father.
- And in the process, the father learns -
- about God the Father o to become like the Father
- to father in the likeness of God the Father
- to share in both the sufferings and the glory of His love, because the two can not be separated – but, that’s another message.
[1] New Living Translation (NLT) Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers.
[2] Ephesians 1:4-5 NLT
[3] Romans 3:23 NASB
[4] Philippians 3:14 Holman Christian Standard Bible
[5] Genesis 1:27-28a New International Reader’s Version
[6] Nouwen, Henri, The Return of the Prodigal, Image/Doubleday (New York, 1994), p. 128 & 132
[7] The fullness of salvation outlined in Romans 8:28-30 is seen here: We all have been like the younger son: Justification. We all are struggling with being like the elder son: Sanctification. We are all called to become like the Father: Glorification.
[8] Luke 15:24 NLT
[9] Ephesians 2:1 & 5. Colossians 2:13
[10] John 8:44 NASB
[11] John 10:10
[12] Ezekiel 19:20
[13] Luke 15:20 NLT
[14] Luke 15:20b
[15] Exodus 33:18-19 NIV
[16] Strong: OT:7355 racham
[17] Nouwen, ibid., p. 99
[18] Luke 15:11-32
[19] Luke 15:10
[20] Ephesians 1:3 NLT
[21] Luke 15:21
[22] Ephesians 6:1-3 NLV
[25] Roget’s Thesaurus
[26] The Greek verb "diaskorpizo" (Vine: 1287) translated "wasted" (NKJV) or "squandered" (NASB) in Luke 15:13 is probably best translated literally as "to throw away".
[27] Luke 16:10-13
[28] Matthew 5:45
[29] Romans 2:4 NIV
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